


should have been us

by quiznakeries



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Divorced Shiro (Voltron), Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Shiro (Voltron) Whump, no happy ending, the paladins and coran all make an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 06:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30017556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiznakeries/pseuds/quiznakeries
Summary: A long overdue conversation is had.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron), keith/oc
Comments: 16
Kudos: 49
Collections: UnrequitedLoveORareThey





	should have been us

**Author's Note:**

> Mind the tags, we’re getting sad up in this bitch.
> 
> PSST. No endgame sheith in this one. If you can’t handle it, it’s not the fic for you.

The moment the ship breaks through New Altea’s atmosphere, a melancholy warmth seeps into his bones. In the seat next to him, Hunk’s expression tells Shiro he feels just the same.

It’s the same every year.

Tonight will be the ninth. Nine years since the war ended. Nine years since Voltron. It’s as impossible to grasp with every passing year. It’s been forever, and it was all yesterday. Like time folds in on itself whenever they are all together and makes the universe and history they’re living all blend together.

Every year, Lance looks upon Allura’s statue like he lost her all over again. Every year, Pidge and Hunk are teenagers playing tricks. Every year, they expect Shiro to lead them. And every year, he’s reminded of the burden that it was.

Still, he wouldn’t miss it. Not ever. Because no matter how uncomfortable some of those feelings might be, they can never hold up to the pride and warmth that fills him when he sees the people the paladins of Voltron have become. And even though he can see their achievements anytime, it’s different like this. It’s theirs.

When they touch down in the royal hangar, there are familiar faces there to meet them. Pidge and Hunk greet each other with a decade old, overly complicated handshake, and Lance goes in for the hug. Coran follows his lead, and there are embraces all around. 

Keith is yet to arrive.

“That’s basically tradition too at this point.” Pidge says with a snicker, and looks to the sky gate above. “Always the last to arrive.”

“Yeah do any of you ever get a hold of him?” Hunk asks. “Whenever I try he’s off so deep into space even Atlas communications system can’t reach him.”

There’s a collective hum of agreement at that, and Shiro frowns. Keith has always been the most distant one, that’s not new. But it aches to hear he’s not staying in touch.

Shiro had figured he might be the only one.

~

  
  


When Keith finally arrives with only minutes to spare before the dinner, Shiro finds it hard to look away.

Every passing year looks good on Keith, and it’s getting harder and harder so see in him that angry child he used to be.

He’s dressed for work, the blades senior robes clinging to him nicely. He’s still slim, sinewy muscle. A narrow waist. Long legs. And his sharp facial features seem to become more defined each time Shiro sees him. 

The ponytail has long since been replaced by a messy braid, reaching past his ribs by now.

There’s no denying he is beautiful. 

He’s walking briskly up to them at the table, a bright smile on his face when Hunk pulls him into a hug.

“Sorry I’m late.”

He catches Shiro’s gaze over Hunk’s shoulder. It’s only for a couple of seconds, but time does that strange thing again. Just for Shiro, time stands still. He looks into those large eyes that have been the first thing he’s seen when he’s come to, each time that it has mattered. Keith has always been there, to catch him, to bring him back. He’s given more of himself to Shiro than Shiro can ever dream to replace.

And now he’s here, slinging an arm over Shiro’s shoulders where he’s still seated at the table, squeezing him in a side hug. He smells like home. Like warm sand and smoke, Garrison issued detergent.

It’s all I’m his imagination, because to his knowledge it’s been years since Keith visited earth. But somehow it is real, and it makes Shiro’s heart swell in his chest.

“It’s good to see you.” He says, silently. Privately, even if they’re not alone, and his words are not a secret.

“You too.”

Keith’s smile is soft and crooked. He’s got laugh lines.

He wishes that he knew every little thing that went into making them. It’s a sudden, stabbing feeling. 

~

  
  


The dinner progresses as it always does, in a flurry of old behaviors. And, as he always does, Shiro takes some time to focus on each of them. He was responsible for their safety, once, and in this setting he really can’t fight the urge to consider how they’ve grown.

Some traits are steadily improving. Pidge has learned a lot about patience, more collected than she’s ever been. Lance has found some comfort in himself, a state of mind where he doesn’t need to make fun to give himself worth.

Hunk has developed the vastest recipe bank in the universe, with its own translation system and over three million recipes from across the universe.

And Keith—

“And Keith, my  _ boy _ ,” Lance smacks Keith on the shoulder and tips back in his chair, his cheeks flushed with the liquor he never learned to hold. “-I hear some congratulations are in order!”

Keith freezes in his seat. But then again, so does everyone else.

“For  _ what _ ?” Pidge prods, leaning in over the table. They’re all looking at Keith, who gapes in surprise for a long moment.

“I-“ Keith hesitates, and whips his head to pin Lance with a stare. “How did  _ you  _ know?”

Lance crosses his arms over his chest, nose upturned. “I have my secrets. You have yours.”

“Not anymore.” Hunk stage whispers, practically bouncing in his seat.

“I was going to tell you!” Keith squeaks. “I just… I needed some time, you weren’t supposed to-“

Shiro looks to Lance, who suddenly looks guilty. Apologetic. And Keith is starting to ramble.

“If you’re not ready, you don’t have to tell, Keith.” He cuts in, watching Keith instantly deflate a little. It almost hurts, Shiro wants to know so badly. But if Keith is uncomfortable—

“That’s easy for you to say, you probably know all about it already!” Pidge protests, and Shiro feels his heart sink. He darts his eyes away from Keith.

He never thought that some of their friends actually still lived with the delusion he and Keith are still close, after all this time.

“It’s  _ fine _ .” Keith says then, and the former green and yellow paladins turn back to him with stars in their eyes, Coran same as them. “I’m… getting married, s’all.”

“Oh and  _ that’s all _ ?” Coran shrieks, blowing the starting whistle on the absolute chaos of well-wishings and questions that ensue. 

Honestly, Shiro doesn’t hear most of it. But with the focus on Keith, nobody seems to notice his silence.

Keith is getting married, and time is doing that fucking thing again.

~

  
  


The sun never sets over New Altea this time of year. It’s two am and Shiro is watching a vibrant orange sky fade into magenta at the horizon, reflected on a rippling ocean.

The balcony railing is warm where he’s got his arms crossed over it, and he can hear the gentle waves from below. It could be paradise, had things just been different.

Light footsteps tells him he is not alone, and he doesn’t even need to turn his head to know who it is who has comed to join him.

Keith always struggled with sleep, too.

He doesn’t say anything to Shiro, but takes a place a few feet from where he stands, hands curling over the edge of the railing.

For a few minutes, they just stand there. Side by side but not really, watching the still life of a world that is asleep.

He isn’t sure what urges him to speak, or say what he says. The words come tumbling out whether he’d like them to or not.

“I got divorced.”

Shiro doesn’t look at Keith. And the simple response doesn’t surprise him.

“I know.”

Shiro nods, biting hard on the tip of his tongue. Keith is about to get married, he doesn’t need to hear—

“I tried to contact you.”

The response comes again, a little flat. 

“I know.”

It’s acid on Shiro’s heart. But now he needs to know.

“You never answered.”

To this, Keith offers no response. The moment drags out, stretches too long until Shiro can’t take it anymore, and he turns his eyes to Keith.

“It would have helped.” He says, and his voice is small. “Seeing you, I mean.”

_ I wanted you to come save me again. Like you always do. _

Keith flicks his eyes over toward Shiro, looking away when he finds Shiro searching for his gaze. A breeze catches on his clothes, his hair.

“Depends on who you are, in this case.” He says sadly, eyes now set on the rocks breaking up the waves. 

_ It would only have helped you. _

Shame is like a sea urchin trapped behind his ribs, hundreds of needles pricking at the part of him that hurts the most. 

Keith is making his point quite clear. And Keith is getting married.

Suddenly he can’t stand to be here anymore, with this gorgeous view and his biggest  _ what if _ refusing to look him in the eye.

He’s reaching for the balcony door, when Keith’s voice hits him like a blow to the head.

“It should have been us.”

In the glass door, Shiro sees that Keith hasn’t even turned to look at him. 

Shiro walks back to him, and hesitates for a long moment with his hand hovering over Keith’s shoulder. In the end he doesn’t dare to. There’s something so fragile here, a simple touch might shatter it.

“Keith…” he comes to stand next to him, closer than before. “What do y—“

“Don’t.” Keith snaps, knuckles turning white where he grasps the railing. “Do that. You know exactly what I’m talking about, and I think… that you agree.”

Shiro’s throat is tight, he can’t breathe. And when he doesn’t say anything, Keith slowly turns to him.

He’s never seen Keith like this before. Can’t even pinpoint that flicker of something in his eyes.

“It should have been us.”

Shiro’s tongue is swollen in his mouth, and he fumbled desperately for words.  _ Anything _ . He reaches for Keith’s hands, and Keith lets him. Shiro holds them both, cradled in his own. Keith runs hot, and his skin is calloused and dry on his hands. His wrists silky smooth.

“Can-“ he forces himself to speak, and even his voice feels foreign. He was always so bad at this. He tips his head down, looks at the tips of two pairs of boots. One pair dirty, scuffed and lived in. One shiny, squeaky clean. “Can’t it still be? Us?”

He knows that he is ten years too late on this. But once he speaks the words out loud he feels them, the weight of them that he’s been carrying for all that time.

It’s a selfish question. Keith is  _ marrying  _ someone. Is he horrible for asking?

He had plenty of opportunities to tell Keith what he means to him. He’s seen them, those moments, and he let them pass by. They terrified him, then and now. 

Keith terrifies him.

He is so much. As the most loyal, dedicated, talented and beautiful of all beings Shiro has ever come across, Keith was always too much for him to handle. He stirs feelings in Shiro that were so powerful, the very thought of leaning in to them used to scare Shiro more than the war ever did.

It’s his most vivid memories, waking under a setting sun in a new body, seeing Keith’s face hovering above. And then waking again, guided by Keith’s broken pleading voice. For the second time, the first thing he saw was Keith.

He never told Keith about the dream he had. He never mentioned how, for a moment, he thought Keith was leaning in to kiss him then. Or how much he wanted him to.

Something went so wrong around that time. The things he felt were such chaos it threw him for a loop. He didn’t know what to do with them, and after what he did to Keith; he didn’t think he deserved to accept them. The fight will always be on display between them, marred into Keith’s face forever.

He was too hard on himself back then. And it cost him everything he could have had. That should have been.

He’s ready for it, but when Keith eventually says—

“No.”

Part of him tears apart anyway. Keith sniffs quietly, and Shiro has to look. Has to see this to know it is real.

Keith’s eyes are glossy.

“No.” He says again, like he needs to convince himself as much as Shiro. “I learned a long time ago that I can’t trust you with my heart.”

That’s… hard to hear. 

An ancient part of him feels pride at seeing Keith take that care of himself. Putting his well-being first.

Perhaps this is where he is supposed to beg. But he knows that Keith is right. He squeezes the hands in his.

Takes a breath.

“Tell me about him.”

Keith’s eyes go wide. There’s a breathless, joyless laugh. “What?”

“Please?”

_ Paint me the picture. Hurt me like you always deserved to. _

Keith bites at his lower lip nervously, and Shiro can’t help but wonder. How Keith likes to be touched and held. How he likes to be kissed.

Something flickers in blue eyes, and it destroys him how he sees Keith’s expression soften into something fond. But he asked for this.

“He loves me so much.” Keith says, profoundly. He draws his hands back, and placed them back on the railing. “Has for a really long time.”

Shiro stands rooted in place, hands still raised and quickly turning cold. He listens to Keith speak, voice rough and emotional.

“He’s proved it so many times.” He says with wonder. “He told me early on, years ago. But he never pushed. Just kept getting into trouble, risking his safety on missions, went out of his way to protect me.”

_ Like you did for me. _

“I’d look at him, and think how that’s probably exactly how I used to be with you.” There’s no bitterness in his words, no judgement. Shiro wonder how long it’s been, how long Keith has had to get to this point. “It freaked me out, honestly. So I broke it off. He was broken up about it. But… he told me he would wait. For me to deal with what I needed, or for when I found what I wanted someplace else. He said he wanted the best for me, but that to him, I was everything.”

Shiro blinks back tears, for the first time since the war came to an end, and it spins his brain. He thought the war hardened him. That in its aftermath he built an armor.

His tough shell ended his marriage.

But Keith cuts through him like butter.

“I can’t imagine life without him anymore.” Keith mutters, almost shy. It’s sweet and it stings. “He makes me feel safe. Happy.”

Shiro has to remind himself to breathe. He hurts.

“You deserve to be happy, Keith.”

Keith’s braid sways when he turns, and he looks back at Shiro with a softness Shiro selfishly hopes is reserved for him. Some part of Keith that can be his.

He stands before Shiro with open arms, and Shiro falls into him. The embrace is tight and long and he doesn’t want to let go. Not ever.

But Keith releases him, and he knows he has to do the same.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> /gladiator voice/ DESTROY HIM


End file.
